Building Community with Roses, Buds and Thorns

After spending a couple of weeks leading my wonderful group of ladies on a study heavy in the Word, a set of circumstances arose and I needed to focus on my family, rather than the study for a few weeks. The lovely Emily totally stepped up and loved me greatly through her willingness to take over both hosting and leading while I was in crisis mode. Through this time, we really bonded as a group, and have developed a true community of 20-something women. If you are leading a small group, living in a community house, living with your family, or just really want to deepen the relationships and level of community with those around you, the idea of Roses, Buds, and Thorns, is a resource I want to share with you! (I did of course, write most of this post before my wedding… Your patience with me as I try to catch up on Bible study posts is greatly appreciated!)

The idea is that each member of the group with share a rose, bud, and thorn. You can do this in any order (we like ending with roses, but it doesn’t always work out that way). Either everyone can share their rose, then everyone share their bud etc. or each individual shares all three at once. Often the second option works better, as the stories of each can intertwine. This is my version of it (based on what Emily has taught us) designed as a weekly reflection for small groups, but there are resources all over the internet on family sites, leadership sites, and coaching sites depending on what you’re looking for!

Roses: 

Your rose is a highlight, an answer to prayer, a happy moment, a Jesus win, or whatever else was life giving to you during the previous week. When we share these, we are able to celebrate together, and be encouraged by the blessings and testimony of those around us. We are living in the Word when we do this, reflective of the many festivals described in the Pentateuch. God asked his people to reflect on and celebrate his faithfulness regularly, and it helped build their identity as a nation. By celebrating together, we build community.

Buds:

Your bud is a hope or space of anticipation you have for the coming days. Whether it’s your light at the end of a dark and twisty tunnel, or the continuation of an exciting and happy period in your life, hope and anticipation are what keep us going. They are reminders that God is good, that he sees us, and he cares for our hearts in the midst of whatever else he is asking of us. We are living in the Word when we do this, reflective of the call to anticipate the coming of the Messiah in the Old Testament prophets, to anticipate the resurrection of Jesus, and to anticipate his Second Coming and victory. When we anticipate together, we build community.

Thorns:

Your thorn is an situation where you are frustrated, or you are struggling to find hope. By sharing these places, we can learn how to love and serve one another, pray together, and comfort one another. We are living in the Word when we do this, reflective of our call to mourn together as a part of one body.

Talking about and sharing our roses, buds and thorns builds the vulnerability trust within relationships, and is a practical way to practice loving one another.

Romans 12:9-16

9 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.

Let me know if you have any really great community building resources! Stephen and I have some books in our pile I’m excited to get to. I’ll let you know what I find 🙂

Healing My Lonely Heart

Over the course of last weekend I went from having awesome time with friends and Stephen, to realizing that I’ve been lonely lately, and I was lonely once again as everyone returned to their normal lives (some in different cities).

I didn’t know how to process that, and normally I would’ve tried to fix it by spending time with Stephen, but I was housesitting/taking care of 4 kids and we had hardly had time to finish getting back on the same page after a misunderstanding, let alone for my extroverted emotional tank to be filled.

In my frustration, I vented to God a few pages in my journal, then decided to try to get over it until my crazy week was over.

On Wednesday, things started to change.

I got out of class early that afternoon, and found myself with a whole hour between classes, and a lot of sun shine outside! I found some steps to hang out on outside, and realized that I had my journal and one of my Bibles in my backpack (it’s always there actually, I just don’t use it nearly as much as I intended to!). As I reread my prayers from earlier in the week, I was drawn back into my loneliness, and just feeling a little bit lost.

I opened my Bible, and after some flipping around, found myself at Psalm 139, specifically verses 1-12. I memorized this passage ages ago, but it’s amazing how easy it is to forget the meaning behind the words. Read the whole thing, really, but I just want to highlight what caught my attention.

“You have searched me Lord, and you know me.”

A salve for a lonely heart.

I think especially as we’ve been preparing for marriage, I’ve gradually placed more and more mental responsibility on Stephen to be the one who knows me, who sees me, and who understands my heart. When I misunderstood something he was dealing with this week, I felt really hurt, upset that he didn’t understand what I needed. But, the extent to which I expected him to understand me (without direct communication) was selfish and unrealistic.

Something God really said to me on Wednesday, is that this crazy desire to be seen and known I’ve been discovering this week, is good. He made me that way. But, if I look to Stephen to fill that need for me, I will be disappointed. There is no possible way that he, as an entirely human man, will ever completely know my heart, and my thoughts. I’m really excited (and kind of terrified) to spend the rest of our lives building that knowing, but I’m finally figuring out that my need for intimacy is designed to draw me to God.

He knows me. 

He built my heart with all of it’s fears, joys, desires and dark places. He sees it all, and loves it deeply. He sees my heart. The darkness that makes me broken and human are the corners from which He teaches me love, and shows me His healing power. He is the only one who will every truly know me, and I’ve been trying to fill that need from broken people.

I am still lonely, but He is teaching me, loving me, drawing me in. I am so thankful that I’ve got four more months to continue this journey before I marry Stephen. By building intimacy with my God, and learning to trust Him with all of me, I hope I will come to a place where I am a little more ready to be a wife, a place where I can fill my need with God’s presence, so that I can try to love Stephen selflessly and build a healthy, human intimacy with him.

I know I am definitely not alone in my loneliness. I hope that if you’ve been struggling with this, that you’ll allow God to begin speaking to your heart. Find those Psalms that proclaim His love for you, the way that He knows you. Meditate on them, speak them, cry them, whatever it takes for them to penetrate, and begin healing your hurt.

Something Old, Something New

Lately I’ve been struggling to get into the Word. It’s always there in the back of my mind, but actually taking my Bible off my night stand and spending time with it hasn’t happened a lot. I felt okay, which made it easier. But I hate “okay.”

“Okay,” is not my goal, Christ is. 

I think one thing that really held me back mentally was school. Talking to my cousin a little while ago, I realized that I am not the only student struggling with this! I used to read my Bible deeply, take it apart and put it back together. I loved seeing the history and context behind things, translating that into my everyday. But, as a student, my more academic, work intensive devotional habits kind of scared me off. I normally loved having structure (hello S.O.A.P. or S.T.A.R. or whatever acronym you learned in youth group!), but put into the midst of papers and labs, it killed my connection with the Word.

So, I’m taking something old – my Bible and a notebook – and doing something new! I’m not giving myself any rules, just time with the Good Book, and whatever else I feel I need to process what He is saying. I found my old markers and crayons, some coloured pens, and I’m hiding away my creative self-consciousness. I’m not doing this to show anyone, just to get God’s words into my heart in a way that is kind of out of my comfort zone. I’m not giving myself a timeline, which is something else out of the ordinary for me, but projects like this usually keep my attention, so I’m not concerned about actually doing it. It’s a nice break from life!

I’m starting out in Matthew, because that’s the beginning of the New Testament, a few blogs I’ve read have been talking about it lately, and it’s about the life of Christ. I figure if I want to become more like Him, this is a good place to start!

Matthew 1 said a lot to me about God’s plan. It took generations for His big plan to come to light and centuries later we still struggle with the big picture, but Joseph and Mary didn’t have any of that. They, on faith and at the bidding of a messenger, obeyed. God’s way was probably especially confusing for Joseph, given the consequences taking a pregnant wife could have in their culture, but he listened. And guess what… The Father’s promise was kept! God’s plan is solid, and He may have options we don’t see right away, or that scare us, but they will ultimately be something beautiful! As the countdown to my wedding and married life gets shorter and shorter, this is definitely something my heart needs to be reminded of. It’s not my plans, but His that I truly want to pursue.

So my challenge for you today, is to try something new as you connect with God. Whether it’s something more or less structured, inside, outside or any combination of the above, listen for His heart in a new space. What you’ve done in the past may be great, and something to hold onto, then this will be a nice little “shake it up” moment. Or you might be like me and need to realize that your life has seasons, and what is valuable in my spiritual life changes along with the rest of the flow of your life. My spiritual habits during school may not be the same as those during breaks, but they need to take priority!

Leave a comment with any ideas you have, your favourite spiritual disciplines, or any good devotional blogs you’ve found!

 

“I Love You”

Tonight I was praying and asking God to use me, and to show me what He is trying to do through me, so that I can do it better.

Instead, He kind of took  me by the shoulders, made me look Him in the face, and just said, “I love you.”  I didn’t even know I needed that. But, isn’t that really what it’s all about?

We love God because He first loved us. He fought and defeated death to draw us into Him, to restore our brokenness, to heal our spirits. It is out of that, that we do all things. It is from that we have all purpose and direction. In the face of that, how can we live in apathy?

But how incredible is it, that HE LOVES US. He is our Abba Father, who cradles us in His arms, kisses our hurts away, and then pushes us forward in the knowledge that He is behind us, and He is trustworthy.

1 John 4: 7-21

Loving One Another

⁷ Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. ⁸ But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

⁹ God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. ¹⁰ This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

¹¹ Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. ¹² No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.

¹³ And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us.¹⁴ Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ All who declare that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. ¹⁶ We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. ¹⁷ And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.

¹⁸ Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. ¹⁹ We love each other^[b] because he loved us first.

²⁰ If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a fellow believer,^[c] that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see? ²¹ And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their fellow believers.^[d]

“I Shall Not Want:” Processing Identity

IDENTITY (dictionary.com)

[ahy-den-ti-tee, ih-den-] 

noun, plural identities.

1. the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, as under varying aspects or conditions: The identity of the fingerprints on  the gun with those on file provided evidence that he was the   killer.

2. the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another: He   doubted his own identity.

[….]

5. the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality overtime and sometimes disturbed in mental illnesses…

[….]

In case you haven’t realized in previous posts, I love using dictionary definitions! I’ve been thinking and processing a lot lately about what my identity is, so I googled it. Google says that my identity is defined by the way that I always am. It is the constants in my personality, and my physical self.

Honestly my thoughts have been going in a lot of different directions, and are incomplete, difficult to actually explain in a blog post (thank you, Stephen, for listening to my confusing, late-night mental overflow). This is more of a continuation of my processing than a statement of what I’m being taught.

The largest theme has been examining what my needs are-what gives me life, when do I feel loved, those kind of questions. I thought I knew the answers, but the things I’ve been doing or prioritizing may not have been reflecting those. So is this because I’ve changed? Or am I missing something? Why have I been feeling selfish and needy lately? (Besides the fact that I’m short on sleep…) Biggest of all, am I living the way God has called me to? What holds me back? As Stephen and I talk about the life we want to live, could I actually do what I say I want to? Do my needs become my fears?

A song came on my iPod the other day, by Audrey Assad. It’s called I Shall Not Want. As I listened to it, and meditated on the lyrics, I decided that I want this to become my prayer. Right now it’s scary, but I’m working on it. Take a listen, read through the lyrics, and reflect on what your needs are and how God has made you, but don’t be afraid to question when your needs become fears, and why they might hold you back. Should they? The dictionary states that our identity is a constant, one of the only in life. I don’t want this. Myself unchanged is selfish, fearful, prideful, and a whole list of other things that are not like Christ. I want to refine my identity. I want to be delivered of all that is not like Christ, but I’m scared of that too. It’s like the Skit Guys said in their piece, Chisel.

This is me processing. This is me not having all the answers, or understanding where God is leading me. This is me learning to ask for the chisel, and trusting the hand that holds it.

I Shall Not Want – Audrey Assad

From the love of my own comfort  

Thinking about what my future lifestyle will be…
From the fear of having nothing      

What do I really need? Do I trust God to be enough?  
From a life of worldly passions  

Do I trust His plan? Do my desires come from Him, or

are they from my sinful nature and insecurities?
Deliver me O God

From the need to be understood                        

Being understood, having my needs known and met is a big deal for me. 
From the need to be accepted

As an extrovert, feeling accepted in large groups matters.

From the fear of being lonely

 I’ve felt lonely, but is it because my priorities are wrong, or it’s just a current stage?
Deliver me O God  
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want  

I don’t want to want. I want to know You are enough, God.
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want

From the fear of serving others  

I know I’m letting my selfish priorities take precedence over serving others.
From the fear of death or trial                             

From the fear of humility      

I am protective of myself in my pride, and play too safe.
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God      

Deliver me, O God. 

And I shall not want, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness, I shall not want

No, I shall not want, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness, I shall not want