“I Shall Not Want:” Processing Identity

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IDENTITY (dictionary.com)

[ahy-den-ti-tee, ih-den-] 
nounplural identities.

1. the state or fact of remaining the same one or ones, as under varying aspects or conditions: The identity of the fingerprints on  the gun with those on file provided evidence that he was the   killer.

2. the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another: He   doubted his own identity.

[….]

5. the sense of self, providing sameness and continuity in personality overtime and sometimes disturbed in mental illnesses…

[….]
In case you haven’t realized in previous posts, I love using dictionary definitions! I’ve been thinking and processing a lot lately about what my identity is, so I googled it. Google says that my identity is defined by the way that I always am. It is the constants in my personality, and my physical self.
Honestly my thoughts have been going in a lot of different directions, and are incomplete, difficult to actually explain in a blog post (thank you, Stephen, for listening to my confusing, late-night mental overflow). This is more of a continuation of my processing than a statement of what I’m being taught.
The largest theme has been examining what my needs are-what gives me life, when do I feel loved, those kind of questions. I thought I knew the answers, but the things I’ve been doing or prioritizing may not have been reflecting those. So is this because I’ve changed? Or am I missing something? Why have I been feeling selfish and needy lately? (Besides the fact that I’m short on sleep…) Biggest of all, am I living the way God has called me to? What holds me back? As Stephen and I talk about the life we want to live, could I actually do what I say I want to? Do my needs become my fears?
A song came on my iPod the other day, by Audrey Assad. It’s called I Shall Not Want. As I listened to it, and meditated on the lyrics, I decided that I want this to become my prayer. Right now it’s scary, but I’m working on it. Take a listen, read through the lyrics, and reflect on what your needs are and how God has made you, but don’t be afraid to question when your needs become fears, and why they might hold you back. Should they? The dictionary states that our identity is a constant, one of the only in life. I don’t want this. Myself unchanged is selfish, fearful, prideful, and a whole list of other things that are not like Christ. I want to refine my identity. I want to be delivered of all that is not like Christ, but I’m scared of that too. It’s like the Skit Guys said in their piece, Chisel.
This is me processing. This is me not having all the answers, or understanding where God is leading me. This is me learning to ask for the chisel, and trusting the hand that holds it.
I Shall Not Want – Audrey Assad
From the love of my own comfort  
Thinking about what my future lifestyle will be…
From the fear of having nothing      
What do I really need? Do I trust God to be enough?  
From a life of worldly passions  
Do I trust His plan? Do my desires come from Him, or
are they from my sinful nature and insecurities?
Deliver me O God
From the need to be understood                        
Being understood, having my needs known and met is a big deal for me. 
From the need to be accepted
As an extrovert, feeling accepted in large groups matters.
From the fear of being lonely
 I’ve felt lonely, but is it because my priorities are wrong, or it’s just a current stage?
Deliver me O God  
Deliver me O God
And I shall not want, I shall not want  
I don’t want to want. I want to know You are enough, God.
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
From the fear of serving others  
I know I’m letting my selfish priorities take precedence over serving others.
From the fear of death or trial                             
From the fear of humility      
I am protective of myself in my pride, and play too safe.
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God      
Deliver me, O God. 
And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness, I shall not want

No, I shall not want, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness, I shall not want

When I taste Your goodness, I shall not want

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