It has been over two months since I’ve posted last. During that time, blogging has never been far from my mind, but I couldn’t do it. This is an apology, and explanation, and personal accountability.
You see, I have plans. I want to reorganize things, make them easier to find, make what I am trying to communicate more clear and accessible. I have a series started that I have a list of ideas for. I have ideas for new series. I have people I want to talk to.
I don’t operate well without plans, but when I feel like I cannot complete a plan right away, I have a hard time even starting, let alone deviating. It’s something God and I are working on. Because I felt like I had ideas I had to follow through on for the blog (also because I have lots of homework!), I couldn’t let myself post in spontaneous moments of inspiration. I couldn’t post the things I was processing, or the places I was seeing God move. This is what I have to apologize for, to you and me.
A very large part of the way I process things is by writing. I’ve suppressed this lately. Thoughts that circle around in my head, questions God and I talk about, I haven’t processed them properly lately, and it’s something I need to make a habit once again, both for myself, and for God. So, I apologize to myself for neglecting to care for this side of myself, and to God for the way it seems to strain our relationship.
My second apology is to you, and again to God. I could write in a journal, and process thoughts by myself. But I think you and I probably process similar things, deal with similar questions or sins. I want you to know that you are not alone, and I want to be in community with you (even virtually) as we are in pursuit of Christ. I also want to give God the opportunity to use me, and I hope that in writing, He may choose to speak through me.
So I’m back. I’m excited to see when or how my book of ideas translates itself onto the blog, and I’m relieved to be giving myself this spontaneous space again. See you soon ❤