As we head into this new year, I know many of you will be thinking about what you’ll do differently, or what you want to change. I hope that deepening your relationship with God is near the top of that list. Life is picking up again, and it’s easy to push spiritual things aside for those that are more tangible and in our faces.
After working at Ness Lake Bible Camp the summer of 2012, I was determined to avoid the post-spiritual high slump. I journaled, I read my Bible, I engaged in conversations of substance with those around me and attended a Bible study every week. Unfortunately once I felt I was out of the ‘danger zone’ everything began to slide. I didn’t even notice until one day I was awakened to my deadened spirituality. This is a piece I wrote, as I attempted to find my way back to communion with Christ and fan the flame in my heart back to life. I would encourage you to listen to Reason to Sing by All Sons and Daughters as you read.
As my tires spin down the damp highway, condensation crowds in the corners of the glass around me. One can hardly tell it is there at first, but the ghostly fingers continue their advance across my vision.
I jolt awake, made suddenly aware of the blur in front of me. It is dangerous.
As I walk down the hall, weaving as shoulders and bags jostle me back and forth, I stumble over an outstretched foot. “Damn it!”
I freeze in place, my eyes suddenly awake to the condition of my heart. When did I become sick? My stomach rolls as my mind scrambles to identify a cause, a beginning.
Complacency is my disease, God is the only cure.
But how do I find this God?
It can be done, He can be found. Somewhere…
I think I was there once. It’s all a haze, my eyes becoming blinded to my deep longing for this connection. I know how it can be, who He is.
He is the thunder and the lightening.
He is the wind and the Son.
He is Holy, and He loves me.
How is it possible for that to stare me in the face, yet my emotions and convictions be unaffected?
He is infinite and so is His grace.
Wait! What was that?
He is the one from whom all blessings flow.
A spark, perhaps? Somewhere, deep in my heart, cold knowledge begins to gather heat.
He is Holy, yet He loves me.
He is Holy, yet He loves me.
A single, hot tear slides down my cheek as a glistening prologue to the crumbling dam in my spirit.
Father! Where are you? Why can I not feel your touch, or hear your words?!
As I begin to seek, my hunger grows. The spark is not enough, I am not satisfied with a fleeting moment of emotion.
You are good, when there is nothing good in me.
You are strength when I don’t know I’ve run out.
You are peace when my head begins to spin.
Complacency is my disease. God is the cure.
I am not healed yet, but as I seek Him out, i begin to find that He is where I left Him. I am ashamed the King and Creator of all has been left behind by my lacking human heart.
Jesus, heal me, please.
In August I wrote A Sacrifice of Praise. Giving Christ the praise He is due, and recognizing who He is are two effective ways to find yourself drawn into His presence, and to feel the Holy Spirit working in your heart once again.
Don’t be afraid of “dry spells” but use them as an opportunity to explore the nature of your relationship with God, and how you can include Him in your everyday. Don’t be afraid to send me a message on the blog’s Facebook page if you have questions about my faith journey, or if you’d like prayer. I pray God goes before you this year and blesses your path, that He takes first place in your life, and that you take new steps forward in faith. Happy 2014!