I just want to share a quick post, with the goal of encouraging any of you reading this!
Have you felt discouraged? Beat down? Like you’re trying to follow God’s plan but things aren’t working out the way you think they were supposed to and you’ve been left doubting if you really heard God right?
Last fall when I was told that I was to be my class’s recipient of a full-tuition scholarship, I was on top of the world. I’d wanted to go to this school since I was little, and I had an idea in my head of “what I wanted to be when I grew up” and it totally felt like God was confirming everything. He opened so many doors for me, whether through my summer job, the people I met, or the way He provided for me financially. I came into this school year with confidence.
But sometimes things don’t go the way we pictured them. I came out of the past month feeling sick in every way. Emotionally, I was wrung out. Mentally, I was not dealing with my stress well. Physically, I was fatigued and having dizzy spells (still am, prayers please!). Spiritually, I was doubting that I was really on the path God wanted me on. Every time I got a midterm mark back after hours of work and studying, I got a little more discouraged (probably in part because of pride I’d worked up through high school classes which seemed so easy). I honestly felt like I was failing God.
Inadequacy is an awful feeling. I know people who let it define them. They become something far from who God intended them to be. I know people who fought against feelings of inadequacy and came out as some of the most beautiful people I know.
But do you know what I realized this week?
God doesn’t rely on me.
It sounds kind of silly. Of course the Almighty God of the universe doesn’t rely on an eighteen year old girl. But my silly pride tricks my oh-so-human brain into thinking that if I screw up, everything else is going to fall apart.
THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND ME AND MY SUCCESS OR FAILURES.
This week I got a piece of paper in the mail. This piece of paper reminded me that God provides. That even if I make a mess, He isn’t going to leave me to clean up by myself. It reminded me that there is more to my calling than a couple of marks, and it reminded me that He brought me to the place I’m at for a reason.
God already won the victory, but He has invited me to fight for it alongside Him. He desires for my heart to be His, and for me to be willing to follow Him, even when I feel inadequate.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”